(Wo)man Plans, God Laughs

 The only thing missing is a second cat

Phil and I had an appointment on Friday with another fertility clinic nearby.  The doctor had plaques hanging in his office that said he'd been voted one of the best doctors in America practically every year since I was born.  He looked like Fred Armisen and had really cool blue rimmed glasses.  (Imagine Fred Armisen in blue glasses giving you fertility advice.  You're smiling aren't you?!)  Dr. Armisen explained our test results to us in great detail, so I finally know what's going on.  I am fertile, but old lady fertile.  He said my ovaries are functioning like they would in a 30-35 year old.  Consequently, our chances of getting pregnant naturally in any given month are about 5%, despite Phil's INSANE amount of swimmers.  Dr. Armisen was absolutely shocked by Phil's test results, and was all like, "Have you seen these numbers?  They're outrageous!  I've never seen anything like this before!"  (Picture Fred Armisen going wide-eyed over sperm counts...not sure how I was able to hold it together to be honest!)

Being told you're 35 when you thought you were 27 is definitely a shock, but it's also a huge kick in the pants.  Phil and I have always wanted a big family of bio children and adopted children, and we always assumed it would happen just as we wanted it to: that we'd have two or three bio children spaced 3-4 years apart, and then bring one or two adopted children into the family when our bio kids were old enough to appreciate the experience (perhaps as our youngest bio child turned 8).  But you know what they say: Man plans, God laughs.  After discovering that my insides are just as old and decrepit as my soul, I've now realized that our well thought out plan to space our children far enough apart in age so that they would never fight is pretty much out the window.  I've realized that I not only have to worry about having a baby, but I have to worry about all the other babies we've always wanted to have after our first baby, and whether there will be enough time left to make them.  For some reason I'd always assumed that after I popped out one, the others would follow easily.  I don't know why I would have ever thought that after 20 months of infertility, but I did, all the way up until last Friday's appointment!  Now I think I have a slightly better grasp on the situation.

In light of the time crunch, we've decided that we are going to go forward with treatment and do an IUI with Femara (instead of Clomid) and an HCG trigger shot starting next cycle (which is about a week away).  We made the decision to try this first, even though Dr. Armisen advised that we jump straight to IVF (imagine Fred Armisen holding a turkey baster... what, now you're creeped out?)  Our chances of success with a medicated IUI are only 20-25%, which beats 5% for sure, but can't touch the 60% success rate of IVF.  We have three shots at IUI before IVF becomes our only option.  I really hope it doesn't come to that.  I actually have very high hopes that we will be successful on our first try with IUI, which (you can ask Phil) is VERY unlike me.  I'm usually full of doom and gloom with a little black cloud over my head and whatnot.  But for some reason, I feel like the clouds are parting.  For the first time since we started trying to conceive, I actually feel like we're going to have a baby.

 In the beginning, I just couldn't wrap my head around becoming pregnant, so I was kind of in denial about the whole situation.  Then, as the months wore on and nothing happened, I became discouraged and didn't ever expect anything to happen.  But now, suddenly, I have hope.  I'm not sure why it happened now with Dr. Armisen instead of at the other clinic, or when I started working with our acupuncturist, but I am suddenly ready and excited to move on to the next treatment.  And for the first time since we started trying, I actually think it's going to work.

Keep us in your prayers everyone!  Maybe a small push is all it will take for one of these old rotten eggs to finally hatch!