Magic Baby Pills!

Jack paid big money for his magic beans, but luckily magic baby pills are covered by insurance!

Five tiny little pills.  Can that really make the difference between a - and a +?!

This is our first month using modern technology to try to succeed at something as ancient as the dirt itself.  I'm still not sure why it had to come to this, but here we are.

Last week I started taking one tiny pill a day.  I took one pill a day for five days.  Unlike Clomid, which has been the go-to drug for baby making for the past decade or so, Femara has little to no side effects, and so the week passed uneventfully with only a slight headache and one rush of pure irrational anger on day 5 which thankfully passed quickly and without anyone being seriously injured.  Now we're in the waiting again.  We are waiting to see whether these little guys had any effect on the quality and quantity of eggs my body produced this month.  We'll find out on Friday via an ultrasound, when we will be able to see and count how many little eggies are ready to hatch.  (I've done this once before, and it's actually really cool to see!  There really is something going on in there, ha!) If it/they look good, I'll give myself a nice little injection in the stomach to induce ovulation, and away we'll go to the clinic for some turkey baster baby making!! 

The upside to all of this is that someday, when our four year old points to a pregnant woman's belly and says, "How did she get that baby in there?" we'll be able to say without lying that she probably went to the doctor to have a tiny baby planted in her, just like mommy and daddy did for you!  The downside is that this approach won't work well once the child goes through puberty, but we have a long time before that happens.

On another note, I am happy to report that this past cycle has been one of the easiest ones since we started all this!  I've been taking my millions of vitamins and my tiny magic baby pills and going to acupuncture and chillin' with my husband, and otherwise not really stressing that much about what I need to do, planning and charting and peeing on sticks etc etc.  I think that the magic pills and all the rest of the stuff we have planned for this cycle has taken some of the pressure off of Phil and me, which is a great feeling and not something I expected to result from seeking treatment.  I've also made a great effort this time around to ask God every single day to grant us the desire of our hearts.  A lot of the time I feel like God knows everything (and He does), so why bother putting it in words?  Well, I was reminded why when I was reading the other day and came upon John 16:24:

"So far you haven't asked for anything in my name. Keep asking and you will receive, so that your joy may be complete."

So much stood out to me about this verse.  First, Jesus says SO FAR you haven't asked for anything IN MY NAME.  Meaning He knows there's stuff you've wanted for a while, but He's just waiting to be asked the right way.  Kind of like when your husband is eating Mike and Ikes and you're sitting there staring at him and he knows you really want some, but he's just waiting for you to make the first move.  Then He says, KEEP ASKING AND YOU WILL RECEIVE.  This says to me that God honors persistent asking--the kind of asking your mother always hated.  I also realized that it means that you will have to ask more than once.  

I know a lot of you are waiting for something just like I am.  I hope that this blog will encourage you that you are not alone, just like you've been encouraging me--in such incredible and beautiful ways-- by reaching out and letting me know that you know how I feel.  To everyone who has come forward in the past few weeks to let me know what what I've written means something to you for whatever reason, I want you to know--that fact that it means something to you makes me feel like everything hard that I've been going through is completely worthwhile.  When God says that He can bring blessings through hardship, He really means it, and Phil and I have really been blessed by all of your responses to this blog!  I hope that we can keep building each other up as we go through this imperfect life together as friends and family members and sisters and brothers in Christ.  Today I want to encourage you to ask for what you want in Jesus' name, and to keep asking.  Keep asking in His name and you will receive, and your joy will be complete.  He promises this to us, and He always comes through on His promises.  

I will keep asking to become a mother, and when I do, it will be because of God's promise to me.  And all of you will celebrate with me, and He will be blessed.  In the same way, I am LOVING hearing your stories about the ways that He is blessing you in the waiting.  Please keep telling your stories, for His glory and so that I can keep celebrating with you :)  

Peace, love, and magic baby pills,

xoxo, 

K