Peter Performs Minor Surgery

Ah, higher education.  The gift that keeps on giving... me shingles.  Seriously--two times in the last five years is TWO TOO MANY TIMES.  Get thee hence, Herpes!

On that note, I'd like to warn you that this is going to be a pretty incoherent post; a little of this and a little of that.  A little shingles and a little hysteroscopy.  How's that for variety?  But first-- to put you in the mood for this thrilling story of one girl's face to face encounter with her own uterus, please enjoy this short compilation of Peter from Portlandia (played, of course, by Fred Armisen) and his pet stutter:
 

Ok, now you're ready.  Imagine Peter as your doctor.  You trust him--of course you do.  Even though you don't know him, he seems like a really genuinely nice guy.  And you kind of have this overwhelming urge to give him a hug.  But you won't, because you are also more than a little frightened of him.  Are his eyes wide with surprise?  Disappointment? Rage?  Who can really know?

Now picture him holding a three foot long tube with a scope on the end of it and trying unsuccessfully to put it someplace it doesn't really fit.  There are also giant silver scissors and other metal and plastic contraptions involved.  You know this because you can see the monitor and the fruitless ramming of tiny camera against even tinier obstacle is displayed there much to your chagrin.  And the whole time, as he struggles down below, Dr. Armisen is stuttering just like Peter from Portlandia.  

So you start to imagine that you are in an episode of Portlandia.  This must be the equivalent of picturing yourself someplace far, far away, because things suddenly don't seem so terrible.  They seem actually kind of hilarious.  And while Dr. Armisen mutters, "Ih-Ih-Ih-Ih-Ih-It's like a crazy straw.....I-I-I-I-I thought I'd be done ten minutes ago..." this terrifying crazy person grin just spreads across your face.  And the nurse is looking at you with great concern, because you look totally and completely unhinged.  But there isn't a lot of time for her to worry, because suddenly--success!  The camera barges on through and there's your uterus on the big screen.

At this point you're waiting for something weird to happen because you're still envisioning yourself in an episode of Portlandia.  Then as the picture comes into focus, it hits you--no wonder you can't get pregnant!  Your uterus is filled with pink fiberglass insulation!  That's not an environment that will support life-- mystery solved.  But then Dr. Armisen is saying that everything is structurally normal, and that there's only a small piece of fetal tissue remaining and no sign of infection.  

And with that, you're not in an episode of Portlandia anymore.  You're back in reality, and damn, this really effing sucks.